Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
