i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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