God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
