im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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