Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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