somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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