i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
