He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Randomize
