Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
