I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
