It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
