worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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