are you still at the devil's house?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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