I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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