I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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