You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they're like a gay fantastic four
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
