She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
