Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
