last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
