he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
