I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
