Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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