Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize