moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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