If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize