My room smells like vodka and shame
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i think i just lost a toe
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
