her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
