At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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