She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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