all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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