I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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