So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
