GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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