The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
