Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
