How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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