We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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