oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
