Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
