I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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