I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
