his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
