his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
