dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
