I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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