She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
