if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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