i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
