Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
