I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
