i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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