The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
