spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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