the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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