why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
either way he was missing a nipple.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
