11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
