I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
