I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Terrible idea I love it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
