Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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