He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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