Pants 0. Shit 1.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
