Just cropdusted the office
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
