We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
