We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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