Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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