why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
