im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's get the cat blown out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
