im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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