I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
