I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
17 year olds will be the death of me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
