I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
