i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
