dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's paint friendship bongs
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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