I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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