the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
